Birth control, something we are all taught to think about but yet no one actually seems to talk about it? What is it that is so taboo about birth control anyway…I’m sure most women are pretty open about if they want a baby right now or not?
Personally, I have never liked the idea of messing with my body’s natural cycle with hormones. So the likes of the pill or the implant etc have never been for me. Right from when I started having sex I’ve always just used condoms + tracked my cycle. I use an app called ‘clue’ which I very highly recommend! It looks like this;
Which worked well for a few years…and then I fell pregnant. As I’m sure you may have guessed, the ‘morning after’ pill was not something for me either.
So now I sit here with my baby, who I hadn’t planned on having but who is the greatest gift I have ever received.
After you have a baby, you’re very fertile – and midwives very heavily impress on you to ‘sort’ your birth control out. When my midwife mentioned it and I said I didn’t want any hormonal birth control she seemed quite shocked. But obviously as a professional she can’t change or question my choices.
Despite having an unplanned pregnancy, I still firmly stand in my choices not to use hormonal or invasive birth control. Which I think is a decision I have made for a few reasons.
One likely being that the physical effects of pregnancy and birth on your body are so intense, that I want to give my body a break. After all the hormones that had ran through my body to grow my baby, I needed to leave my system alone to level back out.
Another reason being that now I have experienced the joy of motherhood and that I know there is never a ‘right’ time to have a baby, if it happened again I know I’d cope. Just to be clear, I definitely don’t WANT another baby while I’m doing my degree etc and I will be taking precautions to not get pregnant, but no matter how many precautions you take their is always a chance – that’s just life.
So unplanned pregnancy hasn’t changed my opinions or choices surrounding birth control, if anything it’s made me feel more confident in my decisions – which I suppose is a very strange thing to say. But hey ho it makes sense in my mind.
I’ve had a few women reach out to me in the past saying they have received hate for not wanting to use birth control. So I suppose that was one of the reasons I wanted to write this. Your choices are your choices ONLY, and no one should EVER pass comment or judgement on that.
I’ve been sitting here debating what to write about for a while. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written myself as the #takingbackourkeys project took centre stage. I have a few things in the pipeline that I want to discuss, but I thought I’d start with a little bit of a life update so to speak.
Me and Kieran both had our Birthdays (we’re both May babies!), we ended up having an impromptu picnic dinner on the beach with prosecco for mine. Watching the sun set and opening prezzies, I don’t think it could have been any more perfect.
I tested all my one rep maxes in training, after a 6 week block of intensely hard work. And I am so so close to my pre pregnancy strength! Since giving birth, making time for training has been one of my top priorities. 3-4 times a week I have 1.5 hours to myself, blasting heavy music and lifting some heavy weights. Alongside an hour of mobility work every single day. Parenting is all consuming, but rain or shine I make time for that – and I’m not shy to say I am very very proud of it.
The date of it being exactly a year since we found out we were pregnant has come and gone – yet another thing kicking up lots of emotions. All the memories of the emotional pain we were in this time last year have been flooding back in slowly but surely. I think since having Arlo all those emotions melted away a little, but lots of things have been gently reminding me that they are still there – that period of my life still happened. And so I’ve been taking some space to process that.
Arlo has become very vocal in the last few weeks – giggling and making all the baby noises! I think his giggle is one of my favourite ever sounds – is there anything better than that ‘dirty old man’ baby giggle?
Kieran finished uni on Tuesday, and we are now working towards moving into our own house and both starting university in September. It feels as though the three of us can finally be together and start building our lives. Which I suppose has been rather emotional and may explain why my mind has felt so full lately. Kieran is my one constant throughout all the uncertainty, and now that he is home it’s kicked up a lot of emotions. I’ve never ever believed in the idea of ‘soul mates’ or ‘love at first sight’…but meeting Kieran may have changed my mind on that.
Well, it’s only now I write it down that I can put together why I’ve been feeling a little weird the last few weeks. All those things combined makes for a heavy emotional load. But I’m taking the time to create the space I need in my mind and as a family we are most definitely at a turning point of moving onward and upwards.
I’m working on some exciting new content…which will hopefully be of value to some people. So keep your eyes peeled.
This is a collection of stories, written by some incredibly strong and powerful women, showcasing why choice over our bodies is important. Termination is discussed very little in our society, yet it is something that becomes part of so many women’s lives. Women need support in their choices, to be given confidence that their choice is the RIGHT choice for them. So this is us, taking back our keys over our bodies and showing the world why we need to not only be given choices, but be supported in them. Share yourself holding you key on your social media with the hashtag #takingbackourkeys
I’m unfortunately a carrier of a rare genetic abnormality which causes severe disabilities and a very short life. There is a 1 in 10 chance with any of my pregnancies that the baby could be affected by this and unfortunately my baby was severely poorly and I had to make the tough decision to abort the pregnancy. I then fell pregnant again and lost my daughter early on due to the condition.. I didn’t choose to abort and I gave her the chance but she was just to poorly. Our choice matters because without that choice I would of been through heart ache more than anyone could imagine. Our choice matters because it’s OUR pregnancies and our way of life
My best friend and I fell pregnant at the same time; mine planned, hers accidental. I found out when I was 2 weeks gone, she did not find out until she was 13 weeks. In those 13 weeks, she had been heavily drinking, smoking, doing all kinds of strenuous activities that non-pregnant people do. When she found out, she was told it likely wouldn’t be a viable pregnancy, and if she did happen to carry to term, there may be further issues. Her partner also told her that it was him or the baby. She felt as though the decision had ultimately been taken out of her hands, with both medicine and her partner against her. She made the decision to have a termination, which at this stage had to be surgical. She had her termination at 15 weeks and a few days. It nearly broke her. Her sister also happened to be pregnant, she was two months ahead of the two of us. Throughout her pregnancy, she was messaging my best friend, her sister, photos of her bump captioned “this could have been you.” She had very little support. Despite this, she was there throughout my pregnancy, she has been there for the first months of my sons life, and she loves him with every piece of her heart. She is amazing. This experience ultimately didn’t break her, but it so easily could have, given the lack of support along with the stigma of termination. It is not always a choice, but taking away that choice is just barbaric. She wanted her baby, but having the choice to do what was best for her at the time, is a right that all women should have.
I think choice matters because even though I haven’t had to make that choice yet in my life, if I should have to I should have the freedom too. It shouldn’t matter the circumstances that a woman should fall pregnant it should be her choice (and her partner if they have an appropriate relationship). It should be a decision they should freely make. In my personal opinion I would rather a pregnancy was terminated then a pregnancy go to term unwanted and another child end up in the foster system. Or another woman be forced to illegal and unsafe practises of abortion leading to deaths and unnecessary illness just because safe practise was not available.
ovh_x (Instagram name)
Pregnancy and the gift of giving life is an amazing thing however it isn’t for everyone. Every life matters. Every choice matters and every woman matters. Pregnancy in itself can entail several physical, mental and emotional difficulties. As a mother myself I can vouch for this. I made the choice to have my son however I’m not afraid to say I struggled and to this day I am still struggling. I am now almost a year postpartum and can confidently say I do not want another. This is my choice and my body. Life isn’t just about surviving it’s about living. Women being stripped of this choice can imply so many downfalls, whether this be physical, mental or emotional. Pregnancy and motherhood is life changing it isn’t just a temporary segment to ones life; its impacts are lifelong. The very point in this law being applied is relative to the fact that ‘every life matters’. Nevertheless, it is not just about life itself but also the quality of life. Whereby a woman is not in the correct physical, mental, emotional or financial state to carry a baby and become a mother she should have the right to a voice. Wherein a rape victim falls pregnant; she has a right to not carry her rapists baby, which can only add trauma to an already existing traumatic event. Where a woman has had a difficult and traumatic experience in pregnancy or relatively so, she has a right to choose whether or not she can put herself and her body through this again. Such laws don’t just impact women but also the very life that these laws have been put in place for. If a mother is not of great stability, that child may too struggle. Instability can be damaging to both children and adults. Every childhood is precious and so is every child thus every life big or small deserves the very best. The seed to stability in children stems from a stable mother and more importantly love and warmth. Women should not be imprisoned by their own bodies nor stripped of their rights. A child isn’t something to be taken lightly and nor are women. I believe it is crucial that the lives of women and children are not negatively impacted by such laws and policies. Happiness and stability are the key to success and health.
I had a termination at age 17 after finding out I was
pregnant with my partner at the time. It wasn’t a healthy relationship and
things turned ugly as he was physically and physiologically abusive. During in
that time I felt pressured into having a termination by my partner, and
although I was uncertain as to what I wanted – I knew the decision had been
made for me.
The day of termination I was scared, the environment in
which it took place was scary I was I sent into a room in a gown and got told
to wait until I was called to be put under general anaesthetic (for the first
time), where I’d go to sleep with a baby and wake up without. I was later sent
home, with a leaflet of support but never called as I just didn’t know what to
say, I was in shock and it wasn’t ever spoken of after that.
I suffered in silence for a long time after having the
termination. I felt guilty that I had what I felt like ended a life when I felt
I had so much love to give them. I felt shame that if anyone was to find out
they’d judge me in a negative light. I felt sad, alone, scared, selfish, weak
But I know that it wouldn’t of been right for me to carry on
with that pregnancy, in that relationship, at that stage of my life with a
Saturday job, still at college and living at home in a abusive relationship. I
wouldn’t of been able to give that baby what they deserved and for that I felt
guilty and then I felt selfish because I felt that I should’ve been stronger
and made the changes needed to be able to give them a great life. But I was a
child and as time went on things did get easier, I was able to understand my
emotions and that I was grieving the lost of someone I loved but never met.
However now 5 years later about to have a baby I’m happy in
my life, in my relationship, in myself that I know I can give my baby the best
start in life. I still feel a sense of guilt as to why this baby and not the
one I terminated. And I still don’t have the answers which still affects me to
this day. All know I won’t ever forget my angel baby.
Having that termination saved me as I dread to think what my
life would’ve been like with an abusive partner so young. It’s ok to grieve
over the loss of someone you love but never met, no one’s judging you. It’s ok
to not be ok and when the time does come that you’re ready to create and
nurture a life, you shouldn’t feel guilty because it’s your life too and you
deserve to be happy.
When I was 19 I was pregnant with my 1st baby, I was anxious and nervous and really sick. But when it came to my 12 week scan I was told my baby had a condition called ancephaly. And was told that my baby was very poorly. And the reason I had been so poorly was because of an infection caused by baby because something else was happening too, it was pretty much all a blur. I wasn’t given any information on the condition I was just told that I should consider a termination. I went home and googled the condition (worst mistake ever) but basically it said that baby would not survive because the brain wasn’t growing. And along with the infection caused to me I was risking both our lives by continuing the pregnancy. There was nothing more that I wanted than to have this baby and hold her and love her. But the consultant basically just told me that couldn’t happen. I ended up making the choice to have a surgical termination and although it caused me massive heartbreak I think it was probably less heartbreak than if I had had the baby and met her just to lose her. If I had to go through that I’m not sure the rest of my life would have gone how it has. I now have 5 beautiful healthy babies and I am planning my wedding to my soul mate. If I wasn’t given that choice and was made to continue the pregnancy regardless I could have died, and if I hadn’t I would most probably have had to give birth to a stillborn baby and spent the 30 weeks knowing that would happen would have had severe effects on my mental health.
I’d had pregnancy scares before. Not because I’d been
reckless or irresponsible … just sometimes I’d be a few days late and no
matter how safe I’d been, I’d automatically think ‘the worst’ and begin
panicking. Then eventually it would come and I’d breathe a sigh of relief and
laugh at how silly I was, thinking I could possibly be pregnant! Only stupid
girls manage to get pregnant ‘accidentally’.
But one day, my period didn’t come. And so I waited.
Nothing. I took a test, just to rule it out, there was no way I could be
pregnant for God’s sake!But there they were, the lines that I was really hoping
weren’t going to appear were very clearly there. And in that moment I felt as
though my life had ended completely…Because that’s what society leads us to
believe. All girls that manage to get pregnant while they’re young are dumb,
dirty or trying to play the system to get a council house. And I’m ashamed to
say I thought the same.
So there I was faced with essentially two choices. Keep or
abort. Life or death. I was very fortunate to have so much love and support
from my mum, who promised me that she’d be behind me no matter what avenue I
went down. Not all girls get that luxury. I tortured myself trying to decide
what the f*** I was going to do. I honestly don’t think I slept at all those
few weeks, how could I?! This little thing was growing inside me day by day all
the while I was praying to wake up one day and for the whole nightmare to be
I went to my GP to try and get some advice? Therapy? Im not
really sure what I was expecting to get out of it, I think I just wanted
someone not emotionally involved to talk to. What I wasn’t expecting was
for said GP to listen to everything I
had to say, and just hand me the contact details of BPAS. So it seemed very
clear to me what society was screaming at me to do.
Eventually I phoned BPAS, sobbed down the phone and booked
the appointment. I went to the clinic for the pre-assessment where they talk
you through the procedure, make sure you’re mentally stable with the situation
and then scan you (with a very aggressive looking wand) and long story short I
realised I couldn’t do it. It wasn’t for me. This baby wasn’t planned by my God
was it wanted and so very loved.
But I’m not ashamed. And I’ll never be ashamed. I’m sure I’m
not the only young mum who is constantly asked “was he planned” *insert eyeroll
here* I’ve never quite understood why people are so desperate to know that, but
I’m always pretty blunt and I’ll happily say I went down the route of abortion
but realised it wasn’t for me. I can’t really explain what made me decide I
wanted to keep him (possibly it was the scary wand being waved at me) but it
was like a sudden light switch. Looking back, had I not been able to explore
the route of termination with the love and support of my mum and my boyfriend,
I truly believe I would have resented the whole pregnancy journey and
worryingly even the baby. I hate feeling out of control and being able to speak
to family and professionals about something as taboo as abortion whilst not
feeling judged helped me feel in charge of my own body and my own life.
And now I am fiercely protective of women’s right to their
Own. Damn. Bodies.It baffles me that we can be in 2019 and STILL be having this
conversation. I PERSONALLY didn’t have an abortion, I made the CHOICE that was right for me, for my situation, for
my mental health. How dare ANYONE try to take that away from a girl. The
thought of being forced into a pregnancy I didn’t want makes me want to scream,
and that’s why I’m screaming and yelling for all of my sisters who are.
Being pro choice doesn’t make you ‘anti-life’ It means you
respect women enough to let them have control of their bodies and their lives.
Knowing what I know now, at 26 with 3 children, I know that I did the right thing when I was 15 and decided an abortion was something I needed to do. At 15 I got the shock of my life finding out I was pregnant, I got pregnant in my final month of school, and had only been with my then boyfriend 3 months, so I tried to deny it for as long as possible, if I didn’t think about it, then it wasn’t happening(or so I thought). At 15, I wasn’t mature enough to look after another human being, I was very selfish in my wants and needs, and I had no job, no money and stayed in a 2 bedroom flat with 5 people Fair enough I could of applied for my own flat, but I could barely look after myself, my mum still did everything for me, I would of had no clue on what I was doing so I would of needed her with me. That wouldn’t of been an option though, as my mum made it very clear how disappointed she was in me, and the fact that I would be doing this on my own. And well, my boyfriend at the time made that pretty clear that he didn’t want a baby. He was trying to get into university, he wasn’t trying to become a dad and raise a child. A d&c was my only option as I denied it for so long, and the procedure was fine, apart from me feeling incredibly upset before and after. I felt this choice was bullied upon me, and it wasn’t one that I fully made myself. I do regret it everyday, and funnily enough so does the guy I was with, I wish we spent more time going over it all, and truly talking about it instead of just no we can’t do it and that’s it. I know it was the right thing to do though – we had no money, both stayed with our parents, no job and had just left school. We had nothing, and I always knew I wanted to give my kids the best start in life and I just honestly don’t believe they would of got that with me at that time. I believe that abortion if not misused is fine. Nobody should feel judged for a choice they have made, because if they are anything like me I can guarantee they probably feel terrible about it every single day. You never know a persons situation, why should someone be forced into bringing a child into the world if they honestly know that it isn’t the right thing to do?
As I lay in the bath googling “termination” scrolling through the sterile environment of online information about how they will remove my baby from his home, my mind flashes to my 3 beautiful children all laid snug in their beds. Each child I carried and brought into this world, each child becoming my entire world the moment I knew about them. So why am I laid here reading through about termination? Life is chaotic. I have 3 children 5 and under, work full time living in a 3 bed home with a car that seats us all comfortably. My relationship is strained with the day to day stress of managing financially along with 3 young children who demand our attention. My youngest hadn’t turned one yet, she was still only 9 months old! It’s Tuesday. I took the test this morning. I don’t know why, but there it was, “positive” staring right back at me. I took another and another. Now I’m laid in the bath. Pregnant. Fuck. I’d always thought of myself as someone who would never even consider termination. The information online scared me. The questions and thoughts that bounced around my head completely contradicted each other. My body didn’t feel strong enough to deal with this even more so my mind couldn’t. I’d not been back at work long from my youngest child, we had only just got used to life with 3, to being outnumbered in our home, to the stress it brings not having enough pairs of hands to console everyone at the same time and now I was crying too. I read through posts from women who were asking online communities their opinion, what they should do, asking the faceless strangers online for advice…
“should I terminate my 4th baby”
“Help! What shall I do? Pregnant with unexpected 4th child”
As I scrolled desperate for an answer myself I read though comments from women supporting women. Pro choice, everyone knows their own circumstances and what will be best for their family. Then, the comments started, hateful, nasty comments, “murder” “selfish” “not worthy” “undeserving” Do these words really define me at this moment in my life? The hundreds of faceless people online telling women they will cope and they need to have the baby and manage. Will they manage though? Will they cope? Was I coping right now? Is coping a way of living? I stared down at my stomach and cried, for what felt like forever. Would bringing this baby into the world destroy my relationship? Would having this baby ruin my career? I don’t think I could spread myself any thinner! We’d have to buy a new house, a new car. I can’t deal with this, I’m tired and stressed and emotional. What will my family think if I have another baby? What will my family think if I have a termination?! What will everyone think if I have a termination? Will I cope with a termination, could I live with the guilt? Termination. It’d be a secret. Something swept under the rug, never to be discussed. Silently eating away at me as I looked at my children, as I celebrated their birthdays. Always there.
I’ll remember forever the day I went to the “clinic” British Pregnancy Advisory Clinic. That’s what they call it these days. Also known as the door I struggled to walk through. I went alone. I needed to be alone. It took me 4 attempts to try and walk through the door. An inconspicuous door at the side of the main hospital. I sat outside across the road for half hour before my appointment. Looking around for people looking at me. They know why I’m here, I can see the look of disgust on their faces. As I finally walked inside it was quiet, very quiet, not the usual busy hospital corridors and wards. This was a “first appointment” a smiley face approached me and offered me a cup of tea. “No thank you” I was sat in a waiting room plastered from wall to wall with different kinds of contraception available. Advice I feel was slightly inappropriate for a room where women go to discuss options on unplanned pregnancy. A sort of “this is what you should have done” being thrown in their faces. A man and woman sat opposite me, in complete silence. I could feel their presence, I could see the thoughts running through their head seeing me sat here alone. Maybe I shouldn’t have come alone. But I wanted to be alone. I was taken and quizzed about my past pregnancies.
5 pregnancies. 3 children. 1 missed miscarriage. 1 molar pregnancy. This is my 6th pregnancy.
“How many weeks?” Erm, I don’t know. I don’t have monthly periods. *sigh*
“Do you want the baby?” I was asked, without her looking up from her papers. Fuck. I didn’t know the answer to this question. I paused in silence. Silently screaming inside my head. I burst into tears.
I was taken into the room with the scanning machine. No excitement. No smiling. No chatting. Silence. I laid on the bed as she scanned my stomach. She moved further up my stomach. 6 week foetuses don’t sit that high up. “All done” I sat up on the bed, “Can you tell me how many weeks?” She nodded, “24. I have you at 24 weeks.”
The decision was taken from me because of how far along in the pregnancy I was. To be honest this worked best for me. Because I wasn’t dealing well with the torment in my mind of what to do. There was nobody to talk to, nobody who was giving me advice on my options, if i had options. When I look back and think about it I was scared of what people would think, with whatever I decided. Having babies is an amazing privilege that I’ve been able to experience 4 times over, its talked about day in day out. The good, the bad and the ugly is healthily discussed with my friends and family. But not having babies isn’t. It’s not discussed. It’s not talked about. Meaning when the situation arises it becomes a whole whirlwind of confusion and emotions. I don’t know what would have happened if I were less weeks than what I found out I was. I don’t know if I’m quite ready to think about the what ifs. But what I do know is that choice is the be all and end all. Your choice. Your body.
I had a termination in 2014. I had just met my current partner and we conceived the first time we had sex. I didn’t know we would still be together 5 years later, and with a 10 month old. I had just finished my first year at university and he had just started his career as a fireman, and we lived 220 miles apart. Even though I’m still plagued with guilt, it was the best decision in those circumstances. And I wouldn’t have changed it!
A year ago today I found out I was pregnant.
I was on the pill at the time so thought that this would never happen. Everyone kept saying to me ‘what are you going to do?’, at the time I thought ‘what do you mean?’ and then I realised they meant that I could always just have an abortion.I had been with my boyfriend for just over a year. We were starting to look for houses so we both knew that we were going to be in it for the long haul. When the test said pregnant we both cried, not because we didn’t want it but just the pure shock of the fact that our lives were going to change drastically and that I was actually pregnant! Once we’d both got over the shock both of us just looked at each other and we both said that we could do it. At no point did we ever want to abort the baby and I’m so glad that we didn’t because we now have a beautiful baby boy but the thing we also had was CHOICE.
A few weeks later we had our 12 week scan. That was the first time we really spoke about abortion and this is the reason why. At your 12 week scan you have screening tests done on your baby, we were lucky enough that ours were 1/100,000. However, some people aren’t as lucky. If the test had come back and said that our baby was going to be really poorly and wouldn’t have a proper life; in and out of hospital and to be in pain or even die before he was 1 – then we both made the decision that we would have an abortion because it would not be fair on the baby to be raised in this world in so much pain. Once again we had a CHOICE.
Our baby boy is now 4 1/2 months old and is happy and
healthy and I’m so glad that he chose us. However, a few weeks ago we had
another pregnancy scare. It turned out that I wasn’t pregnant but we had had
the discussion that if I was we were going to have an abortion. The reason why
is the fact that we are not ready to have two children, not financially and I
am not mentally ready. I really struggled adjusting to the lack of sleep and at
times felt that because of my age people had made me think that I wasn’t good
enough or mature enough to look after my baby. Once again it is not fair to
raise a child in a world where you can’t give them your all. But once again, I
had a CHOICE.
How can people decide what you do with YOUR body? Everyone has their reasoning behind abortion and no-one should have to explain or have that choice taken away from them.
Well, what a year it’s been. The idea that what was once causing lots of heartache and fear, has now created a wealth of happiness still blows my mind.
Sunday 27th of May 2018. 5:30am. Those two pink lines instantly appeared and we worked out that I was just over 4 weeks pregnant. From that day our lives were turned upside down. Arlo Tobias Woolf, creating a whirlwind since May 2018.
I sat all of my A-level exams knowing my baby was there, but not knowing if I would ever get to meet them. But through all the uncertainty and throwing up, I still achieved my grades. Which – after moving schools, changing exam boards, self teaching one of the subjects AND THEN finding out about Arlo 2 weeks before all my hard work was going to pay off – I think is pretty bloody impressive.
At around 11 weeks pregnant, me and Kieran took a trip to Amsterdam. We spent a few days walking around canals, sleeping on a boat house and looking at (almost) naked ladies in windows. All with Arlo tagging along for the ride. It’s pretty surreal to think that he was there, becoming.
And when we got home, we decided to meet our baby. There it was, we were having a baby! Bet no one was expecting that when we announced it…
On the 7th of September 2018, we found out it was a boy! We were both so very happy about this, being one of two girls I really wanted to be a mum to a little boy. (As well as buying all the tractor and dinosaur prints….pink + frills aren’t really my thing)
I did powerlifting-style training until I was 36/37 weeks pregnant. Even managed to pull 100KG when I was 4 weeks pregnant…I didn’t know at that point though! I am still so happy I kept up my training throughout pregnancy, despite people telling me I shouldn’t. All my hard work definitely payed off during labour and recovery. Not to mention the fact that I made an 8Ib4Oz baby!
23:58pm on the 27th of January 2019, you were here. 24 hours of labour and hard work and I finally had him in my arms.
The next couple weeks we spent encased in a little bubble. Anything else going on in the world didn’t seem to matter. It was all feeds, nappy changes and getting to know our boy.
The number one question I get asked all the time is ‘wow, how did you find that name?’. In all honesty I’m not 100% sure how Arlo came about, we wanted something different but not too ‘out there’. Tobias is from the Divergent trilogy that I read a few years ago.
We have both kept up our training since returning to the gym at 5 weeks postpartum, and I am getting stronger by the day. Getting closer and closer to my pre-pregnancy weights and even considering competing again soon. We both walk the 2 miles to the gym with Arlo in tow, one trains while the other looks after Arlo and then we switch. If that’s not dedication I don’t know what is.
At 9 weeks old we took Arlo on a day trip to London…which was brilliantly hilarious, but I won’t get into the details of that (there is a separate blog post all about it)
The last 4 months have been filled with so much adventure and learning. Loving and growing. Becoming and healing. Arlo is the calmest, most content little baby I have ever met. He doesn’t fuss about anything, sleeps well, feeds well and is becoming ever more interested in the world around him.
Seeing him grow and learn is incredible, getting to be the person who nourishes that development is second to non. I have loved every second of being a mother and am beyond excited for all the trials and tribulations to come.
365 days since we found out. 365 days of overwhelming amounts of fear and love all at once. The 365 days in which I became the best version of myself yet.
This question has been playing on my mind a lot lately. Does it end when we have our 6 week check? When baby has been out longer than they were in? Or does it never end?
Of course, I don’t have a scientific answer to this – is there even a scientific answer? But I think it’s an important question that acts as part of a wider discussion around motherhood.
A lot of people (including healthcare professionals) talk about feeling ‘normal’ again after having a baby. What an annoyingly awkward phrase. Just think, right now, about how you would define ‘normal’. You can’t can you?
I remember sitting with my health visitor (who is a LOVELY lady – those people do an incredible job) and her saying ‘You’ll probably begin to feel normal around 9 months after having the baby’. I just sat there and thought…but I feel normal now? Right now is MY normal. For me, this kind of ‘talk’ just highlights the bounce back culture we live in. Comparing how we feel ‘now’ to how we felt ‘then’ and how we will feel ‘soon’.
As a society we need to focus more on being present, on embracing the ‘now’ and taking that as our current ‘normal’. If we are constantly comparing how we feel or look to how we used to feel/look, we are stealing the joy of the current moment without even realising it.
Postpartum essentially means ‘after baby’. So in my opinion postpartum doesn’t end, but evolves. I will always be living ‘after’ I gave birth to Arlo (unless someone invents a time machine…which would be quite exciting). I am constantly changing, healing, growing but I am always postpartum.
Along with how we ‘feel’ as mothers, comes an important discussion around how we ‘look’ as mothers. With the phrase ‘your tummy will shrink back to its normal size’ or ‘your stretch marks will fade and begin to look like normal skin soon’ being thrown around all too regularly, women are experiencing a tidal wave of emotion around what ‘normal’ really means.
Let me set this straight. You were normal two months ago, you are normal right now and you will be normal in two months time. Your postpartum tummy was normal 2 minuets after birth, it is normal right now and it will be normal in two months time. Growing your confidence is about defining your own ‘normal’ and living by it.
Postpartum isn’t a mere fleeting 6 week time period, it is a completely new chapter that is now your own individual ‘normal’.
So, as all of you who follow me over on Instagram will know, we made the decision to switch to reusable nappies! This is one thing on a long list of changes we have started to make in our family towards zero waste living.
Me and Kieran have been conscious of our environmental impact for a while now, and as we have welcomed a new addition to our family we have been even more aware of it – babies *can* produce a lot of waste!
Before I get to talking about reusable nappies, I’ll walk you through a few of the other changes we have made over the last 2 years.
Reusable water bottles.
I honestly can not remember the last time I bought a plastic water bottle. Me and Kieran both have Chilly’s bottles – which keep liquids either hot or cold. I always carry this on me – so not only am I helping the planet, I’m drinking more water too! (I also have a Doppler bottle which I bought in Amsterdam – it’s super lightweight which can be handy!)
Reusable coffee cups
For my 18th birthday, Kieran bought me a Keep cup (with yellow on it of course!). I use this if I want to take a coffee from home out with me or if I know I’ll be grabbing one on the go – I love that its glass too, makes the coffee taste better!
90% of the time, me and Kieran take lunch from home when we’re going out. Kieran uses glass tupplewear to take his lunches to uni – BPA free, better for the environment and you can pop them straight in the microwave! We also have some stainless steal pots for snacks.
Klean Canteen sippy cup
Now this is slightly ahead of the game, given that Arlo can’t hold his own bottle yet. But we couldn’t resist when we saw it! It’s a beautiful stainless steal sippy cup, which also turns into a little water bottle for when he’s older – simply switch the cap!
I’m sure most people are doing this now – but we have loads of reusable bags, I pretty much have them coming out my ears. Stuffed in the pram, in almost every rucksack we own – they’re everywhere!
Me and Kieran both use wooden toothbrushes, they’re really cheap and feel much nicer to use! I can’t wait to buy Arlo his first little wooden toothbrush.
No more plastic bottles! We both use unpackaged bars of soap, Kieran loves a company called Wideye which we discovered on a day trip to Rye a few months ago. They may look more pricey but they last so much longer! And they smell AMAZING.
Kieran shaves using a reusable metal razor – he just replaces the blades every few shaves. I’m looking into buying one of these myself – so if anyone has any suggestions of brands let me know!
Now that my period has returned after having Arlo, I decided to return to using a mooncup. I used one for a while a few years ago, but for some reason stopped, but I bought another one and I am so excited to get back to using it! No waste and a hell of a lot cheaper – they cost around £20, but once you’ve bought it it’ll last years!
Me and Kieran decided before Arlo was born that we wanted to have a majority of wooden toys. I think they’re beautiful, will most likely last longer and better for the environment than plastic. Lots of wooden toys like blocks also encourage open ended play to build the imagination.
So this is a new one that we have been working on recently – and as we don’t have our own home we haven’t invested in it as much as we are planning to just yet. But we have made a start with reusable washing up ‘sponges’ and brushes. We also discovered a brand called OceanPods, so we’re hopping to invest in some stainless steal spray bottles and give them a go instead of buying lots of chemicals in plastic bottles.
NAPPIES + WIPES!
So, before Arlo was born we looked into reusable nappies a lot and we almost bought them…but as we don’t have our own home and they were a very big investment we decided against it. But 3 months into being parents, now that we have a pretty good hang of this whole ‘keeping a small human alive’ gig, we started looking into it again. After some discussions with some other mammas that use cloth, we took the plunge.
Anyone who knows me will know I’m often an ‘all or nothing’ type of person. Which is sometimes a positive and sometimes a negative. So I told Kieran that if we were doing cloth…we were doing it all the way. Nappies, wipes, fleece liners – the lot!
So, lets start with wipes. I will say that even if you don’t want to use reusable nappies, you should 100% buy reusable wipes. They’re cheaper, far superior at cleaning up poop and better for the environment. Oh and so easy to wash its almost silly!
We got ours from cheeky wipes. We have a clean wipes box and a mucky wipes box. The mucky box has a mesh bag insert so you don’t have to touch the mucky wipes when you chuck them in the washing machine. You simply put a little water in both boxes, put a few clean wipes in the clean box (blue) and away you go! We also have a little wet bag from Babaandboo for taking pre soaked wipes out and about with us.
We have a total of 20 nappies, from a variety of brands, they are all whats called ‘birth to potty’ all in one nappies. They all have lots of poppers on the front which means you can adjust them to the size of your baby and make them bigger as they grow. Each nappy comes with an insert or two, which absorbs the wee. And then we bought a pack of 20 fleece liners that you place on top to catch the poop.
What do you do with the dirty nappies? I hear you say…
At home we have a big bucket with a mesh bag inside. When we change a nappy we simply chuck it in the bucket until you put a wash on. If it’s a poo, we rinse the worst of it off the liner (in the toilet) and then we store those separately until we put a wash on. If we’re out and about, we put the dirty nappy in a wet bag (that is specifically for dirty nappies) and then deal with it when we get home.
How do you wash the nappies?
We put the fleece liners and the wipes on a rinse cycle. Then we put the nappies in and do a second rinse before putting them on a long wash with a little bit of washing powder. (some people wash at 40 degrees and some at 60 degrees, different nappy brands recommend different things so you have to decide yourself on that one)
How do you dry the nappies?
If it’s a good day we hang them on the line and they all dry in around 6-8 hours. The sun is also a natural bleach and so it helps to remove any stains. If it’s not good weather then we hang them on the airing rack with the window slightly open and they dry in about 24 hours.
Which brands do you use?
We have bought nappies from Babaandboo, Totsbots, Tickletots,
LittleLamb and Wonderoo. Our favourites have been the Babaandboo or the Tickletots.
But if your on a tight budget the Little Lambs are amazing for the price!
So there you have it, our little journey towards zero waste living. All these things are definitely an investment and may seem far more expensive than the throw away alternatives. But they last much longer and so are actually far cheaper in the long run! But it’s a process to make all the changes and can be quite a culture shock at first as we live in such a throw away world.
If you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask! Or simply pop over to my Instagram for a chat,
Becoming a mother at the age of 18 was not something I ever envisaged happening. I guess I had always thought I would do my degree, climb the ladder in my job, buy my own house and then think about children at about 30. That’s the way society tells us we should do it right? That’s the ‘right’ way if you like.
When we began to announce our pregnancy we received mixed responses. A lot of people had the view that we were setting ourselves up for a life of hardship.
Each time someone gave us a negative response, I felt more and more as though I wasn’t entitled to be pregnant because I was so young.
Some people wanted to take control, to give us copious amounts of pushy advice while outlining all the negatives to having a baby. As a result, I didn’t fully appreciate the whole experience at the time – I didn’t take pictures or really ‘connect’ with my baby. Mostly because I felt it was something that ‘shouldn’t’ be happening and so I subconsciously ignored it.
I regret this wholeheartedly – and only now can I see that that is how I felt.
Alongside this, me and Kieran were not able to live in our own house during my pregnancy. As a result I was constantly made to feel I owed more than I could ever give back and that my security could disappear at any moment – because I ‘shouldn’t’ be pregnant.
Young women who find themselves pregnant, by choice or not, experience this kind of negativity from all angles. From the disapproving looks from strangers in the street, to a feeling of not “belonging” when they’re shopping for baby things.
This sort of response contributes far more to a negative outcome than the pregnancy itself. If young women are supported, given options and told that they can still achieve whatever they want (all be it in a different way, that may take a bit more hard work) then don’t you think a positive outcome for mother and baby is far more likely?
Experiencing pregnancy as a young woman and becoming a young mother has many challenges, but they’re just different challenges to those that may be faced by an older woman. There is no right or wrong time for any stage of life.
So as I sit here, happier than I have ever been, I’m still having to spend the time to emotionally take back ownership of my pregnancy, birth and experience of motherhood. Something I shouldn’t have to do, but is an unfortunate reality of the stigma society puts on young parents.
Firstly, I am aware that this post is a little late….given that Arlo is now approaching 14 weeks. But hey ho…better late than never? And boy has a lot happened between 8 and 12 weeks.
Kieran has been on his Easter holidays for the majority of this time (although he has gone back to uni now) so we’ve managed to squeeze quite a lot into these 4 weeks! And given the extra pair of hands, I have lots of photos too!
Arlo had his vaccinations at 8 weeks…he was not at all phased at the time. However it did have some after affects for the week following…which Kieran was not best pleased about. I got a good laugh out of it non the less.
When Arlo was tiny, he really hated tummy time…I’m talking screams within 5 seconds of being on his tummy kind of hate. But as he has got older, with the help of our trusty belly roller from Aldi (thank you Kirstie!), he has started to enjoy it more. The coordination between his limbs is so much better and he can now hold his (rather heavy) head up for much longer.
Now that Arlo is a lot more alert, he always wants to be facing the world. Any opportunity to sit propped up or sit in someones lap facing outwards, he’ll take it. Along with that…if I’m sitting in a place particularly interesting and I try to cuddle him facing me…he tells me off. I suppose I’m just not as interesting as the man in the coffee shop steaming milk and pouring latte art?
This does however, have it’s up sides…at least when he’s sick it goes on his clothes instead of mine.
We took Arlo to Brighton for a few days to stay with my Dad. Tried him out in his new travel cot…which he did look rather small for, but he didn’t seem to mind one bit! In Brighton we also discovered his newfound fascination with patterns. In particular geometric bears…which makes a change from plain walls and ceilings.
As it’s been getting warmer, we’ve been taking Arlo outside a lot more – for walks in the baby carrier or to have a look at the sea. And I can most certainly tell you that Arlo dislikes wind with a passion. He pulls the funniest faces whenever the wind is blowing in his direction.
Along with the arrival of some slightly warmer and sunnier weather…we had to go and buy Arlo a sun hat. Which I have to say has a slight primary school nativity feel about it. You know…tea towels on the head? We’ve also been spending a lot more time in the garden with Arlo in his bouncer which, providing it’s not windy, he seems to like. (Especially if he has his favourite Auntie with him)
Arlo is growing so quickly, and becoming more of a little character by the day. But even though he is more interested in looking at whats going on and is beginning to have a lot to say for himself…he will always be my little boy who falls asleep on me and wants cuddles.
Before becoming pregnant, I’d never seen birth. In actual fact I’d never ever talked about birth, I suppose it has been a bit of a ‘Taboo’ topic. Images of birth are often censored, many parents don’t discuss birth with their children and the representation of it in the media is awful.
I knew I had to do something about this…I was about to experience one of life’s most intense moments and yet I had never been exposed to it in any capacity.
I took to Instagram and searched “labour” in the hashtag section. All of a sudden millions of images of women in labour, all around the globe, appeared. I was amazed at the rawness and emotion filled images I was seeing, thousands of women in the throws of such a powerful experience. But not only that, I was amazed at the amount of different births I was seeing. Water births, home births, c-section births…the list could go on.
From here I began to uncover the pages of lots of astounding Birth Photographers. I filled my feed with all these images. I was exposing myself to the raw realities of a diversity of births every single day. It was this gradual but consistent exposure to birth that I believe helped me exponentially during labour and postpartum.
I was able to have trust in my body, to know that all births are wildly different but equally beautiful. In addition, I was able to process my birth with much more clarity afterwards.
We need to work towards a society where these images are not censored, and are more widely seen. Where birth is an open discussion. Not only for women to feel more power in their experience and confidence in their bodies, but for the rest of society to be able to support women.
I know that birth will be an open and encouraged discussion within my family, and if I go on to have another child I would want Arlo to be included in the experience of birth. Exposure is key to understanding.
Among some of the photographers I found was Lacey. Lacey Barratt is a pioneer in the birth industry, paving the way for a more inclusive, dynamic, and unapologetically raw content through visual arts. As a doula, she pushes the boundaries of what women think they are capable of; helping them to break free of any societal norms or standards by understanding they are their own individual with individual needs. Lacey makes sure that her imagery is nothing less than artful and educational, striving to help women gain knowledge through her images.
Here are Lacey’s thoughts on why birth photography is important.
When I had my first baby seven years ago my mum asked if my husband was going to take any pictures. Actually, I was mortified by the thought of looking back at them. I also thought she was being selfish because she was in the states and that was her way of being invasive without being *invasive*. Man, the regret I felt 12 months later….We all know good ole Facebook. Reminding you of the things you did on this day twelve months ago. Timehop. Yep….facebook’s Timehop had me crippled on his one-year-old birthday. I was already emotional and then add on top of it that I had three photos from the day of his birth and I was devastated. It shook me to my core so much so that I started offering birth photography as a service to my clients.
I never wanted anyone else to feel the regret that I felt that day. Or any family to experience that type of void. I now see all the ways that birth photography benefits families. I see that my mum was not actually being selfish. Or invasive. Or passive aggressive. It was for both of us.
I wondered if I had that birth face that you see in all these stunning birth images. I wondered what my husband looked like when he had skin to skin. I wondered if he touched me during labour more than I remembered. All of these questions will be there forever. I’ll never actually know the answer to any of them.
I can say that my subsequent babies had birth photographers.
I have this theory that documenting your birth extends the high of a good birth and helps heal a bad birth
No, my images won’t magically take away the pain of a traumatic birth. But with 100 time-stamped images it can help you process what happened in a chronological order better than your memories can.
When you are in labour we naturally (if left unhindered) go into what is called labour land. This is a place where all of your hormones are making a concoction potion, so to speak. Oxytocin, testosterone, adrenaline, progesterone….and heaps more to get you out of your logical brain. So you don’t have to think…you just do what feels good in that moment. This enables you to go deep inside of yourself and focus on your body and your baby. Making you less aware of the things that are going on around you. This is why we forget. We are biologically programmed to not remember. Not to protect us from the physical pain as mainstream society would say. But to help you birth your baby. This is the fight side of the fight or flight phenomenon.
After our baby is born, if things don’t go exactly to plan we have the ability to process exactly what has happened to us. Births, where we felt empowered, enables us to relive that feeling of being empowered. Hormonally, we are getting boosts of oxytocin over and over and over every time we look at our images….meaning our high lasts longer.
Why do you want to relive this experience ESPECIALLY if it was traumatic? This seems like it would be a trick question. But it isn’t. It is because after we experience our power being taken away, the only power that we have left is the power over our emotions. When our bodily autonomy isn’t respected our emotional autonomy is OURS. Forever and ever amen. Once you have your images, with the time they were taken and an unbiased documentation of your birth story, it is then that you are able to look at them and decide how you want to feel and own that in whatever capacity you want to. It’s a way to take your power back, if not with your body, with your emotions. That in itself is incredibly empowering.
Without realising it, our birth experiences shape us. Scientifically, with the bonding of our babies, how we respond to touch, how we process feelings and it spills into our everyday lives…even if we don’t realise it.
This is why I regret not documenting my first birth. I’ll never have that physical evidence of my power, of my vulnerabilities or my trauma to process.
Now I will start this one with a bit of a disclaimer; I very strongly dislike clothes shopping and so am most definitely not about to give you tips on fashion. Partly because I know nothing about it… and secondly because I don’t like the idea of things being ‘in’ or ‘out’ of fashion. I will wear what I want when I want thank you very much.
So you have this new body. It has bumps, marks and everything else all in places they weren’t before. Nothing you used to wear fits or looks right… and the idea of going shopping to find new clothes is not something that sounds fun. Sound familiar?
don’t attempt to try on old clothes/buy new ones the second that baby pops out.
Your body changes most rapidly in the few weeks after birth, so spend as much
time as you can in those comfy maternity leggings and oversized t shirts. Enjoy
not giving a shit about what you put on in the morning for a while.
Then, when the speed at which everything is changing slows down (that will be a different time for everyone I might add) start thinking about updating your wardrobe. After all, you’ve most likely just spend 9 months in boring maternity clothes so you deserve it.
I treated myself to some new sports clothes at first… they’re comfy and will still fit me if I change size. Reebok is one of my favourite brands. I waited until about 11 weeks postpartum to go ‘normal’ clothes shopping.
The first mistake I made was shopping for my so called ‘old body’. I picked out a load of clothes that I would have worn a year ago… only one size above my old size and went to try them on. I probably don’t need to say it, but nothing fitted and anything that did fit was the complete wrong shape/style. Not my most ‘body confident’ moment to say the least (and to add to it… changing room lighting is often awful)
I put everything back, left the shop and we went for a coffee. I definitely needed a breather after that experience. A bit of a pep talk from Kieran in the coffee shop (which I might add he is particularly good at, that man can read my mind without a word coming out my mouth) and we went to try shop number two… with a much better mindset.
Zara is a shop I have always loved, especially during summer, so we went there. I picked up lots of different style clothes (some I would have never worn a year ago) in LOTS of different sizes and went to try them on. I’m not too bothered about the number on the hanger… I know full well that clothes look better and make me feel better when they fit. Small, large or otherwise. Low and behold… I LOVED some of the things I tried on. And I really mean loved. I think I even stood in the changing room grinning like a Cheshire cat at a couple of the items – things I would have never liked the look of on me before, suddenly looked great. Shop the jumpsuit here, and the shirt here.
Que the love and respect I have for my body shooting through the roof in this moment. Success.
After this we went to a few other shops and picked up some more bits;
So in summary, pick things up you would never have worn before and in LOTS of different sizes. You’re new shape/size body is just as amazing as the ‘old’ one… but most likely suits different clothes. And most definitely don’t give shit about the number on the hanger… I can wear an 8 in one shop and a 16 in the next, so it’s all bollocks anyway.